How Aristotle Can Teach Us To Communicate Clearly In A World Of Screens
Public speaking might be the cure for the damage done by social media
South Korea’s government is currently paying some young people $500 a month to leave their houses.
According to Matthew Loh at Insider, their Ministry of Family estimates over three hundred thousand people are living like hermits, shutting themselves in their homes. They avoid work, school, and social situations for periods of months or years.
Loh also mentions this practice is so prevalent in Japan they developed a word for it: hikikomori. The Japanese Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry believes over five-hundred thousand there live like this.
Both countries indicate a similar symptom. Those afflicted tend to invest their time with screens instead of interacting with live people in the real world. While the West doesn’t have a word for it, we’re doing the same.
Texting now takes the place of phone calls, and many can work from home, so you don’t have to be in the same room with coworkers. Facebook and social media changed the nature of “friends,” too. And this is where author John Bowe comes in.
In a recent interview on the AOM Podcast, he tells the story of a reclusive cousin who spent his entire life living in his parent’s basement. At fifty-nine he moved out and got married.
Bowe was curious about his change. He bluntly asked his hikikomori cousin how he went from playing with model trains in a basement to finding a partner. What therapy did he use? The newlywed said none, he joined a public speaking club called Toastmasters.
And this little event led Bowe to Aristotle and a huge realization: with all our social media technology, we suck at communicating.
Why Talk Is Better Than Text
Bowe was so fascinated with his cousin’s transformation, he joined Toastmasters himself, and studied its history. The club’s original purpose was to help farm workers. They were moving to cities in large numbers from small communities, and suddenly needed to speak to strangers.
Their founder Ralph Smedley felt if one can’t communicate, they can’t connect. They’re trapped in their own mind.
Bowe soon found thousands of years ago Aristotle echoed the same sentiment. He even wrote a book called Rhetoric teaching the skill. The philosopher acknowledged that speaking was the basis for everything a Greek community was built on — the ultimate soft skill.
Also, Bowe points out the Romans felt the same way. In fact, the Latin expression “to die” literally translates to leaving the company of others. So, what happens when we avoid conversations with text messages?
According to Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley in Harvard Business Review, their experiments show it causes a lack of connection. But Psychotherapist Maggie Mulqueen in an interview with NBC says it can cause damage. She says texting over talking:
“creates a higher quantity of interactions, but it decreases their quality, harming our relationships. Indeed, it’s a far cry from paying attention and listening to the thoughts and feelings of another person, and it’s missing the human contact and learning that comes from true dialogue.”
Psychologist Jean Twenge says social media can be as damaging. In her interview with NPR she explains the amount of time teens spent with friends stayed static from 1976 until 2009. The year after, it plummeted.
She notes this is when social media started to grow. Twenge also says, “Across the board, since 2010, anxiety, depression and loneliness have all increased.” Not to mention rates of self-harm.
In the same article MIT economist Alexey Makarin studied the effects of social media usage with over three-hundred thousand students in three hundred colleges.
Between this and other large studies he says, “The body of literature seems to suggest that indeed, social media has negative effects on mental health, especially on young adults’ mental health.”
It’s no wonder we’re suddenly flooded with hikikomori. However, Bowe believes Aristotle and the Toastmasters provide a cure much easier than drugs and therapy.
Rhetoric To The Rescue
Bowe says his time with the Toastmasters was akin to a religious experience. He originally hated public speaking. Now, he teaches others how to do it professionally, and the skill has changed him dramatically.
Through reading Aristotle’s book and speaking at the club, Bowe learned how to better connect with others. He says it starts with thinking less about yourself. This is the usual trap that kills people giving a speech.
You’re so self-focused, the last thing in your mind is the audience. But you “give” a speech. Therefore, it’s not about you, but the people listening. Plus, by focusing on the audience’s needs, you become less self-conscious.
There also must be a plan ahead of time, otherwise you’ll ramble, and your speech benefits no one. Finally, be slow and deliberate, so you can be understood.
All these things enable you to connect with other warm bodies in the room, unlike texts and social media. Bowe says these skills are transferable too. What you can do in a public speech can be done in personal conversations.
It’s what the hikikomori and social media afflicted lack today. And personally, my experiences match that of Bowe, Aristotle, and the Toastmasters.
Speaking Changed Me
I’m naturally quiet. But in my early twenties college required me to stand up in front of classes and give multiple speeches. My martial arts instructor required us to teach as well.
This forced me to change. While I’m still quiet, I never avoid a moment where I’m challenged to speak in front of a crowd now. It usually brings something good out of me. I also lost a certain fear that kept me previously locked in my own head.
I’ve even given a speech at my friend’s wedding, and gave the eulogy at my brother’s funeral when no one else could bring themselves to do it.
There’s a reason everyone is terrified of speaking in front of a group. There’s also a reason rhetoric was a part of standard education from ancient Greek times, until about a hundred years ago.
Like Aristotle said, it’s the glue that holds our society together. And today we’ve chosen text over speech. Moreover, we don’t even like to be in the same room with other people.
As the Romans might tell us, we’re leaving the company of others and dying inside.
So, if you’re lacking connection, feeling shut in, or don’t understand those around you, learn to speak. Aristotle can show you how. And a group like the Toastmasters can help you refine the skill.
-Originally posted on Medium 4/30/23